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Saturday, 9 May 2020

Straight Up Reviews: Don't Hug Me I'm Scared



One thing about being in isolation during the pandemic, is that it often reminds me of similar situations in fictional mediums. Not so much the cause of isolation, but the idea that one or more people trapped in the same room together while insanity ensues, makes this both hilarious and harsher in hindsight. Case in point Don't Hug Me I'm Scared. The popular web video series that was all the rage lasting from 2011 to 2017 and thanks to the clever creators Rebecca Sloan and Joseph Pelling.

Don't Hug Me I'm Scared is about three best friends, who go on an adventure to find a magic pirate ship and save the day.......At least that's what the creators say. Though watching it first hand, you wouldn't think that is what it's all about. Needless to say it was. Just kidding.



Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, is essentially a surreal horror comedy that parodies popular children shows. Specifically, children's edutainment and puppet shows like Sesame Street. It centers around three people, whom were obvious parodies of Jim Henson's muppet archetypes.



The first is The Red Guy, who is both a parody of the monster type muppets: Creatures whom are not based on any animals and depending on the character are either friendly or mean. The big examples being Elmo and Grover Red Guy is also a parody of the suit type muppets as well. Being the only character to be played by an actor wearing a suit. Similar to characters like Big Bird. Red Guy is essentially the board, older man of the group who often takes things in stride whether he likes it or not. He rarely expresses emotion, but later shows to be a caring individual especially around his friends.


The second is The Duck Guy. Who is a parody of the animal type muppets: Creatures whom are often based on one type of animal or another, yet are anthropomorphized and treated like everyday humans. Such as Miss Piggy or Kermit the Frog. Duck Guy. He is talkative and somewhat intelligent and often every now and then speaks in an autotune like voice.


Last but not least is The Yellow Guy. Who is a parody of the human type muppets: Creatures who are in essence human in puppet form, but often sometimes have distinctions that separate them from what society views as humans. Such as a non natural skin and hair color. Similar to characters like Walter. He is the youngest of the group, child like and somewhat dim-witted. He also serves as the mascot of the show even though by all intents and purposes it should be Red Guy. There's a reason for that.

The show itself has a simple yet, effective formula. With the exception of the third episode, the characters are mostly in the same house together, minding their own business. That is until a puppet, known in the series as a Teacher, would appear to give the lesson of the episode. However, said lesson often gets twisted and turned into a total mindscrew. Where weird things happen, the characters get hurt, maimed or even killed in some way and rather than it be played for comedy like you would expect in the Muppet Show, there is often an excess amount of blood and gore involved. The episodes repeat this formula until the end. But why does it happen. To answer that I will break down the episodes one at a time.


The first episode centers around the Teacher called Sketchbook. A living sketchpad that has arrived to teach the trio about the wonders of creativity. While it seems Yellow Guy has been following the lesson well, Sketchbook seems to insult him, citing the colour green as not a creative colour and destroying a well painted picture of a clown by dumping oil on it.  As the episode goes on, it takes a dark turn where the characters shift into various art forms of themselves from CGI to Yellow and Duck Guy spontaneously turning into Suit Muppets. All while the word "Death" is stamped out, a human heart gets covered in glitter and someone cuts a slice of cake to reveal human entrails inside. After the lesson is over, Sketchbook decides they should never get creative again before closing themselves out. As you can see for yourselves, we are in for a nasty surprise in the continuing series. When I first watched this. I initially dismissed it as nonsensical mindfuckery however when I went back to the series, I wished I followed it when it continued. The saddest thing though is, that this one is tame compared to what is coming next.
The second episode has them sitting in the living room, waiting for their show to come on. As they think of a way to pass the time, another Teacher appears. This time in the form of a talking clock named Tony. This one takes a more surreal approach as he teaches the trio about time. Taking them to the past, showing them the future and the effects time has on the world. Such as aging trees and rotting apples.  However when Duck Guy and Yellow Guy question the concept of time, Tony gets angry and turns into an alarm clock that makes the latter's ears bleed. In the last of the episode, Tony speeds up time. Causing the characters to age rapidly, with Yellow and Duck Guy rotting in agony. All before revealing that they were the show the Trio was trying to watch the whole time. The episode also introduces another character named Roy. The Father of The Yellow Guy, who later makes appearances in the show and even has his own special thanks.  One thing I noticed among most things, was that much like Sketchbook before, Tony seems to go out of his way to hurt Yellow Guy the most. Scrubbing him raw in the bathtub, making his ears bleed even though Duck Guy was the one that insulted him over time being an illusion and putting him in the most agony when he ages them. Why would these random puppets go out of their way to go after the poor guy?

The third episode is the only one of the series where they are outside of the house. The trio is in a forest enjoying a chicken picnic. Said picnic involves uncooked eggs and meat. Yellow Guy comes across a small butterfly admiring it before Duck Guy kills it, mistaking it for a bee. Upset, Yellow Guy retreats to a tree to cry alone when he meets a bigger butterfly. The third Teacher, Shringold.  Who has come to him to teach him about the concept of Love. Said lesson involves Yellow Guy being lead to a land in the clouds populated by love obsessed creatures. From people to animals to even a huge tree. Much like Sketchbook, they berate Yellow Guy for using the concept "Wrong" when he expresses love for inanimate objects.  Stating that he should save his love for his Special One. Whom is represented by a female counterpart to Yellow Guy. As they prepare him for Special One they introduce him to the dark side of their group. Revealing themselves to be a love cult that worships a gravel eating head named Malcolm. The Self Proclaimed King of Love.  While trying to persuade Yellow Guy to in their words "Change your name, clean your brain and forget about everything you ever knew." The whole thing ending with Shringold menacingly approaching Yellow Guy with a ring to initiate him. Thankfully the event seemed to only be a dream. Whilst Duck Guy and Red Guy find him to apologize. Saving the last egg to cheer him up. Inadvertently giving a good lesson about love. However the egg gives us all one last scare when a bloody yellow caterpillar hatches out of it, proclaiming Yellow Guy as it's father before Duck Guy kills it, mistaking it for a bee. While it's not explicitly stated, it's implied that the events were not only not a dream, but that Shringold may have had Yellow Guy raped to conceive said caterpillar. Adding it to the many abuses Yellow Guy has suffered.

The fourth episode is where things get more psychological than the usual gory/psyche mix we're used to at this point.  The trio is sitting down playing a trivia game when Red Guy draws a card which asks "What is the biggest thing in the world?" At this point they are so used to the Teachers popping up, that Red Guy intentionally tries to provoke a globe named Gilbert to appear to explain. Just when we think that it happens, the show takes a left turn when the real Teacher shows up. A talking computer named Colin.  Who steals the show, doesn't answer the question and instead crudely explains how a computer works.  When Red Guy tries to get a word in edgewise, he's rudely interrupted by Colin who tries to push the Trio into giving him their personal information.  When Red Guy has enough, he smacks the keyboard causing them all to be trapped into the digital world. A crudely CGI world where three things can happen: Graphs/Charts, Digital Style and Digital Dancing. Graphs/Charts, Digital Style and Digital Dancing.  Graphs/Charts, Digital Style and Digital Dancing.  Graphs/Charts, Digital Style and Digital Dancing.  Graphs/Charts, Digital Style and Digital Dancing.  Graphs/Charts, Digital Style and Digital Dancing.  As demonstrated here, the three things are repeated in an endless loop as more digitized versions of the trio and Colin appear in an impromptu dance party, which I can only describe as a Rave if Stanley Kubrick got interested in doing a movie about a Rave. Red Guy was able to escape and finds himself following a red cord which leads him to a neighboring television set which happens to film a low budget version of their first episode. The resulting scene causes Red Guy's head to explode in glitter as well as give us the first clue to why this is going on. They are on TV and are forced to do the stuff that has happened in the past 4 episodes.

The fifth episode is where that clue becomes more of a reality. Duck Guy and Yellow Guy are in the kitchen and the only ones on the show now. Both of them realize something is missing, but don't realize it's Red Guy. Before they could ponder the situation further, they are visited by not one, but a group of Teachers called the Healthy Band. A group of food based puppets lead by a suit muppet in the form of a steak. They sing about a grossly inaccurate view on what is healthy and what isn't. Which as the song goes on, contradicts itself, while at the same time forces product placement entitled "Roy" brand foods. Which is mostly a plain food based diet of bread, cream, white sauce and aspic. The number itself gets interrupted twice by a phone call, which Duck Guy tries to answer. The first time showing him on a hospital bead with a strange helmet on his head, before returning to the kitchen.  Exasperated by the phone calls, the contradictions and the overall unsettling nature of the show, Duck Guy snaps and tries to escape. Knocking a camera and presumably the camera man operating it in the process. Cementing that they are on a TV show as hinted in the fourth episode. However Duck Guy didn't get too far as he finds himself back in the hospital bed, while giant can shaped puppets feast on his guts.  All while the band continues to torment Yellow Guy with their contradictions. This all culminates into the grand daddy of all mindfucks (So far.), which ends with Yellow Guy bloated with his mouth full surrounded by cans that have Duck Guy's face on them. Throughout the entire episode, the number was a smokescreen while the teachers force fed Yellow Guy, his only friend left. As he stands there in the dark, realizing what he did, the phone rings a third time.  The end credits revealing that Red Guy was trying to call them from the outside world. Now wearing a trenchcoat and carrying a suitcase.

The sixth episode ends with Yellow Guy in his bedroom. Crying and looking over the beds and photos of his two missing friends. Before he could go to bed, the next Teacher appears in the form of a Lamp puppet. In a surprising twist, Yellow Guy, whom despite the abuse wrought out on him has been very cooperative in each episode; turns the light off in defiance. Unfortunately that doesn't stop the lamp from tormenting him anyway. Forcing this video's lesson on him. In this case dreams.  Said lesson has been in the form of a 2-D animated sequence where Yellow Guy is dragged off against his will as the Lamp wrongfully describes what dreams are. Yellow Guy wakes up in an effort to escape only to find himself drowning in a pit of oil similar to how his animated dream sequence ended. The series then cuts to Red Guy, whom between episodes 4 and 5, has found himself in a world mostly populated by people like him.  Albeit clothed and running about their daily lives in the most boring way imaginable. He tries to strike up a conversation with a co-worker, invoking an idea for a puppet based on a file. Only to be rebuffed as boring by said co-worker.  Later on, he attends a nightclub where he gets drunk, strips back to his normal self and tries to sing the Creativity song. Only to be met with boos from the crowd. Among the see of Red boos, Roy appears and Red Guy finds himself in a mock sound stage, where his microphone and stereo have turned into puppet versions of them. As he wanders the room he finds what can only be described as a mix between an editing station and a super computer. With the main screen displaying the lamp continuing to torment Yellow Guy. In an attempt to stop it, Red guy messes with the buttons which cause the Lamp to change places with other puppets. First starting with the previous teachers. Then showing Duck Guy briefly resurrected. Last but not least it shows puppets that could have been their Teachers had the show continued from this point. All of which further tormenting and traumatizing Yellow Guy, until Red Guy scrambles the controls causing them to switch more rapidly.  Before he could try to fix his mistake a long arm grabs him. Which is attached to Roy. Revealed to be the mastermind behind all the events.  In a last ditch effort, Red Guy approaches the plug attached to the computer and pulls it. The result resets the show to the first episode, only everything seems peaceful and they become their favourite colors. Red Guy being Blue, Duck Guy being Red and Yellow Guy being Green. Sketchbook then reappears again making it ambiguous to whether or not they are safe from the TV world.

As for why Roy would do such a thing, especially to his own son. It's explained in this interview:

Don't Hug Me I'm Scared Interview

Which to summarize, in Roy's only speaking role he says "My silly boy has allowed his eyes to grow arrogant and rude, for this I will take him on a trip to punish land." Now thinking back to the entire series, while twisted it makes sense. What he did as gruesome as it was, was all to convey a severe punishment. Now the question remains. "What did yellow guy do to deserve this?" There is one clue, in which was briefly shown. In the second episode, which introduced Roy, there was a scene where Yellow Guy walks in on him while he is on the computer.  Where it's not so subtly shown that Roy was looking at porno. When Yellow Guy mentions the iconic line "My dad is a com-co....computer." Roy is shown staring at the camera, breathing heavily.  Now does this justify what he did? No, but at the same time it's easy to understand why he would want to punish his son. However if you go by that scene alone, it doesn't show Yellow Guy being arrogant and rude. Or does it?  One thing I never understood was why Yellow Guy would stammer at the word computer. One could theorize this was meant to be a reenactment of his younger days. Which would make sense because when kids learn to talk, they often struggle with some words before getting used to them. However there may be another layer to it. While it could have just been me hearing things, the way he stuttered "Com." almost sounded similar to the profanity "Cunt." Did Roy think his kid called him a cunt and simply took things too far in said Punish Land? I think so. As for why Duck Guy and Red Guy got it too, there are three reasons. 1. They simply stood in the way in his eyes. 2. They tried to put a stop to it. and 3. As part of said punishment, Roy took his friends away one at a time. To further make him suffer.  While it's implied Red Guy left on his own volition, all the things Roy did to him could factor into his leaving.  Whilst Duck Guy had the unfortunate luck of being fed to Yellow Guy. With Yellow Guy isolated and alone, Roy was free to torment Yellow Guy for as long as he wanted. That is until Red Guy pulled the plug. Not to mention while episode 2 and 6 focused on him greatly, the episodes between merely had him shown in background events. Implying he was working behind the scenes of every torture.  Now where did Roy get that kind of power and freedom? If you look closely in episodes 4 and 5, you'll notice there are food products littered all over the show with Roy's name on them. Meaning he was the show's sponsor.  Meaning he put all the time and money he made plus the increase of sales, into making his Punish Land.  To further hammer it in, as mentioned before, he was also featured in the special thanks of every end credits. Which is ultimately why I believe the ending is a happy one. The new home, no longer has his products all over.  Meaning his influence was no longer there.

When this series ended, people thought we seen the last of Don't Hug Me I'm Scared. However in 2018 the official Youtube Channel posted this:

A trailer entitled "Wakey Wakey." Which showed a new world, new puppets, new animation and most of all, a huge hint that something new was on the horizon.  Which it was. In 2019, Rebbeca Sloan and Joseph Pelling released a 23 minute pilot episode of a potential Don't Hug Me I'm Scared TV series.  The pilot was released only in the Sundance Film Festival and the series is currently being worked on. I have not seen the pilot episode to warrant an opinion on it, but rest assured I will.

Don't Hug Me I'm Scared is a great series. Great puppetry, great effects, superb music, horrifying scenes and is an overall work of art. With themes of friendship, family and freedom. It's worth the watch especially around this time, because if you're gonna isolate yourself and worry about going crazy, then this might either scare the crap out of you or make you believe your life isn't worse off as you think. When Robin Williams rampaged on Death To Smoochy he referred to the titular rhino as a "Muppet From Hell."  These are the real Muppets From Hell.

Tuesday, 31 March 2020

CIEIR Presents: Self Isolation Log #1

The following audio is fake, but based on real world events. In this I play a fictionalized version of an average person dealing with Self-Isolation in regards to the Coronavirus. Why I did this was simple. I do not believe everyone is happy with self-isolation. While in this case it's a major necessity. I believe that isolation in and of itself can lead to a severe mental breakdown and I believe that many people who rally for it, overlook that and should be ashamed of themselves. Audio Spectrum Effect by: VSDC Song: Our Darkest Hour by Me. https://shanethemusician.bandcamp.com/track/our-darkest-hour

Thursday, 26 March 2020

Trudeau and Trump Dodging Personal Responsibility Coronavirus Update

Two things before we get to the meat of this.

First off: The current total is 526,044 with the death toll being 23,709 and the Recovery number at 122,066 regarding the virus.  Italy and Spain have knocked China off it's spot for the most deaths at a whopping 8,215 and 4,154 respectfully. However their recovery rate much like the sum total has outweighed the death toll. So like the rest of the world there is hope that they'll make it through this.

Second off: Despite the title I do from the bottom of my heart, express my deepest sympathies to Justin Trudeau and his family due to his wife and kid testing positive on the disease and despite what I think of him as a leader I do wish them a well recovery.  With the exception of a select few, I would not wish this disease on him or anyone regardless if I don't like the person. 

Now onto the actual topic.  As you may know, like the rest of the world, Canada and The United States of America are currently enforcing border restrictions and encouraging citizens to self isolate and practice social distancing.  Now these ideas are not bad in the practical sense. As it does give a chance to slow down and halt the spread of the virus.  That part I am not upset about. What I am upset about is how soon these were implemented. 

On the States side of things as much as I don't like the guy, Trump at least had the excuse of ignorance. Regardless of the bullshit story The China Government has come up with, blaming the states for the virus; it's safe to say Trump never saw the thing as a big deal until it bit him.  Regardless of what we all think of the guy, it's hard not to 100% blame him for the shit that went down in the states. The only other reasoning being him having business partners in China, but with the way they been flip flopping each other, it's unlikely. However he is not 100% off the hook.  Because while his actions against the states regarding this is basically one of the biggest fuck ups in the world. His personal responsibility on the matter, is a different story. I"m sure you all heard that he tested negative on the virus. With some claiming he faked the results and other more crazier theorists believing that maybe he himself is withholding a cure. While it is a tad possible he could be telling the truth in a sea of lies, I myself believe he faked the results.  Since both he and Trudeau have been known to travel abroad, which is most certainly how Trudeau's family got the disease, he would definitely go through great lengths to hide it from the states. If the cure however unlikely, ends up being true I do not blame you guys if you decide to form a coup. Because you wouldn't be taking back the states, you'd be saving the world too.

On Canada's side a question I ask is, what's Justin's excuse? They didn't halt air traffic until it started to get bad in Canada this month.  While the news can say all they want about, how they had weeks to avoid it, I call that a steaming pile of bullshit from the worlds largest fertilizer factory. We didn't have weeks to avoid this, we had months. We had been warned when the outbreak first hit Wuhan. The outbreak should have stayed localized within Wuhan. China should have warned us not to accept people citizen or no, in Canada from their airports on the off chance one or more could have been infected. Most importantly Trudeau should have shut down all non-essential travel the second they heard of an outbreak and looked for a different way to get our people out without it fucking over the rest of us. But no. He knew damn well what was going on. The name of the virus shared the same name as the fucking SARs virus.  I am sorry for what his family is going through. I really am, but because of him, this country is slowly becoming a fucking police state. They are already enforcing laws that will fine, arrest and forcefully quarantine anyone that goes outside whether they are infected or not.

Congratulations assholes, you both will have gone down in history as the men who destroyed the western world.

Sunday, 15 March 2020

The Coronavirus Update Aka What The Fuck is Wrong with all of you?

It had been one and a half months since I did a survival guide on the handling of the Coronavirus situation. And I must say after what I seen over that period of time, it made me lose my faith in people in general. So I am writing this article, not to enlighten, but to tell you all off for your incompetence on the matter.

Before I even begin I shall let you know, that currently the total amount of infected is 169,387 people all over the world. 6,513 died and 77,257 people have recovered. So good news world, we're actively fighting back naturally. However it seems in certain parts of the world it isn't enough as the damage has been done so severely it's made the majority of the population also known as the dumbest part of the population of the human race in general, do stupid shit in the past couple of days. But I wish that was the only problem, however due to the fact that this shit could have been avoided months ago, this shit merely cinched an already bad situation.

The first people I call out, are the news medias of the world. Depending on where you live, some either deny the damage, others downplay it and some even to this day refuse to believe the virus exists to begin with.  Most of which offer useless information on how to deal with it, others downplaying the effects more focused on not offending the reason why this shit happened in the first place and to top it off, their lackluster approach is why this shit ended up like wildfire to begin with.

Fuck you.

The second people I call out, are the boards of educations all over the world.  Now you're all shut down, but in the past two months, not a single one of you. NOT A SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF YOU, warned your kids about this disease. Nor even gave them the simple steps on how to avoid infection. In the words of Matt Hooper, I'm aware of the fact that you all ignored this particular problem until it swam up and bit you in the ASS!!! You shut down now and pretty much extend March break, but it wouldn't have killed you back then, to hand out flyers at least.

Fuck you too.

The third people I call out, are the people criticizing the travel bans.  Their justification is that, the travellers have a right to see their families. I sympathize with that, I really do. However it's not like they can just walk into the airport and hug their families, especially if they themselves tested positive. If the families really loved each other, they'd do everything necessary to protect each other, even if they had to do something they didn't like, such as distancing themselves. If they are willing to risk spreading further infection, then they not only are putting themselves or their families at risk, but also putting the population of their home country at risk too.  It goes to show that a once fictional saying, bares relevance now.

"The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few or the one." -Spock

If you don't care about the risks then, I'm sorry. Fuck you too.

The fourth, are the raiders. You all know what I'm talking about. When word came that the virus was spreading more, every grocery store got raided of essential items. Food and hygiene products specifically. We all heard that story regarding the bulk of toilet paper. Now this wouldn't be so bad, you're stocking up so you can ride it out until it blows over. If only that were the real reason. Nope. At least %70 of these people are not panicking or even desperate.  These assholes are capitalizing on a pandemic.  There was a story once of one guy who thought he had the "bright" idea to charge $200 on one roll of toilet paper. Now if this were an extinction level event like these assholes have claimed to be, money would be worthless at this point. The only thing worth a damn would be food, medicine and hygenics. The stores are working round the clock to restock them, because so many who actually need them, complain endlessly that there's next to nothing there. Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard was more stocked than the local grocery stores and Supermarkets. To make matters worse the whole ordeal has gotten many businesses so fucking scared that they've closed down. From local shops, to discount public gyms.

To these raiders, capitalizing on the fears of the people. Fuck you. I hope you get infected.

And the fifth. To the people that started it all. The idiots that thought it was smart to test and splice deadly diseases and test them on animals.  To the idiot janitor that thought that disposing them would be a waste of meat and thought they could make a quick buck. To the governments who rather than tried everything necessary to prevent the spread of infection until the last moments and still manage to fuck things up once you do get a hold of the situations.  To the people who use this virus as a means of hurting others. To the celebrities that act like they're the medical experts. To this entire fucking planet that allowed this shit to happen. I have only one question to ask.


WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU!?

All of this shit, could have been avoided if people took better precautions over the past 2 months.  All of this shit could have ended sooner if you all weren't so focused on capitalizing on the fear of the people.  YOU ALL DESERVE TO FUCKING ROT!!!  And I really hope this does blow over soon, because when it does, you all have a lot to answer for. I myself don't like violence, but the rest of the 7 billion people you all pissed off, would like to have a word with you. Goodbye, godspeed and one more for the closer: 


FUCK YOU!!! 

Wednesday, 19 February 2020

The Snyder Cut: What a Clusterfuck

In 2017 after so much hype, the Justice League Film of the DCEU was released. At last all of Snyder's, Ayer's and Jenkins among most director's works, was finally gonna pay off after so much controversial bullshit they were put through.  Or so we thought.  The movie was not only horrendous, but fans of DCEU, DC and Snyder despite their differences all agreed this was not the true film. For better context let me explain.

When the movie was first being put into production, Zack Snyder had a different idea in mind. What it was, I never knew and while many fans interpreted it based on his words and pictures among most things gave them somewhat of a complete picture of what he had in mind. However we can never really know until we see the full picture with our own eyes.  This picture, was essentially his original cut of the film.  Dubbed the Snyder Cut by both fans and detractors alike. With the fans believing it existed while the detractors believing it to be a Myth at best or at worst, an outright lie. But be that as it may, what he originally planned was a hell of a lot better than what we got. Unfortunately before he had the opportunity to give the finishing touches of it, a tragedy struck.

Autumn Snyder, his daughter passed away, causing Zack to halt production until he was ready to come back. However WB, Geoff Johns and Joss Whedon, whom was originally hired as a screenwriter for the flick had a different idea.  Rather than go with the idea Zack had in mind or at the very least attempt to poorly rip it off, Warner Bros. wanted to captialize on the future success of the next recent Avengers movie at the time. The recent one, Infinity War, being released just a year after. So, believing they had a golden goose in the form of a man who got MCU's ball rolling with the First Two movies, they made Whedon director in everything but name and as a result is the clusterfuck of a poor movie we have seen. Plan 9 should win an Oscar out of general principle, because of what this abomination was.

When I did my twitter promoting my recent work as a musician I was basically an outsider of the cause at first. Mainly because I believed there was a Snyder Cut based on certain principles of my own:

For Starters. It took more than 2 decades for Richard Donner to get his Alternate Cut of Superman II off the ground and I believe WB and the fans owe Snyder that long of a time frame.

Second, the idea of denying a certain cut existed, like these detractors did is asinine when you consider many filmmakers had their own alternate cuts all the time.  James Cameron had a Special Edition of Aliens and Termniator 2. Ridley Scott had 3 different cuts of Blade Runner: Theatrical, Director and Final.   Hell even Zack Snyder was no slouch, since Watchmen and Batman V Superman before it, had their fair share of alternate cuts. So why is this any different?

And third, while it took 2 - 3 years, almost everyone that has worked on it: Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Ray Fisher, Jay Oliva, Jason Momoa. Just to name a few crew and even Zack Snyder himself confirmed that said cut exist. Yet despite that, said detractors double down and insist they are either lying for relevancy or claiming they never said it at worst. John the douchebag Campea being the worst offender because he himself has lied more than once prior to the confirmation. He claimed that Rotten Tomatoes wasn't rigged. Event though a member of Rotten Tomatoes flat out admitted it, just to give an example.

By the time of that third reason I was no longer an outsider, I too supported the movement. While I am not like the so called "True Snyder Fans." as to my admittance I never cared for either Sucker Punch or Dawn of The Dead Remake. Nor was I in a position to do such great things such as donate for suicide prevention or pay for billboards which could be seen by millions; I did my best to spread hope that people would see it again simply because it was the right thing to do and call out those that: A. Were the most severe detractors, going so far as threatening fans because they hated being proven wrong. (Threats I will not mention, because they are too fucking disgusting.) Or B. Extremist members of the movement who take their shit too far, attack those that disagree with them and to add insult to injury went as far as having their twitters suspended when their bully tactics don't work. Myself included.

Two Twitter members, the most despicable extremists I have come across. Saw fit to harass a contest host based on two things: 1. One of the Entries, was created by a despised member of a faction that was part of a great divide between the members of the movement on how the movement should be handled. In an attempt to have this person barred from the contest, they harassed the host by bombarding them with screenshots of what said entry did. 2. They continued to harass the contest host, spreading lies about them simply because the host blocked one of them. I myself have gotten into an altercation. All I did was call them out on trying to disrupt the contest as well as offer them a better way to handle this entry. Namely wait till said entry lost and revel in their humiliation. Not only was I rudely rebuffed, the only thing they used to attack me, was bring up my own past as well as bombarding me with pointless gifs and pictures, as though to them, they were enough to claim victory. In my last ditch effort, I decided on my own volition to expose them to my own followers. Not to incite harassment, but to warn them on the off chance they were following these people, what kind of scumbags they would become. Naturally they saw fit to report me and have my account suspended. These two have had a history of false reports as well as have other members of each faction of the movement become sick and tired of their bullshit.

And that's just two examples of the more extreme of the movement. There are hundreds more, but if I listed them all this would take hours to read.

Point being, is I witnessed this clusterfuck first hand, I tried my best to help through with it and I paid the price for it. Yet I wouldn't trade it all away for the world. I will still find other ways to spread the word. To give hope that this cut will see the light of day.

And to those two along with the hundreds of others, that agree with their way of doing things. I am still standing. It's gonna take more than simply suspending my twitter to destroy me and I still stand by what I say: You are a bunch of toxic assholes, you make the movement look bad, you're an embarrassment to this movement and you can go fuck yourselves. I dare you to Dox me.

To everyone else. #ReleaseTheSnyderCut

Thursday, 30 January 2020

STFilmmaker's Guide To Surviving the Coronavirus

To view the live map click here

As you all know, there has been a recent outbreak of what is commonly known as the 2019-nCoV or Novel Coronavirus or Coronavirus for short. To give a little background, the Coronavirus outbreak officially started in late December in China. The cause of the outbreak being eating the meat of animals that carry the virus. Specifically bats and snakes. The result causing severe flu like symptoms.  Over the next month the virus spread like wildfire and as of today over 9776 people were confirmed infected. Not just in China, but in other parts of the world. Germany, France, even in the western hemisphere in Canada and The United States.

213 died and 187 successfully recovered from it. While the respective countries including China have taken the precautions to prevent the spread, from quarantining the infected and cancelling all flights coming in and out of the country save for evacuations. However more can be done to keep the numbers in the death toll from increasing as well as the overall numbers on the map above. So in this article I am gonna teach you all how to survive this pandemic.  Unlike my previous articles, I will not advertise my music on here, for this is a serious situation and a plug would be in poor taste.

First step in survival: Prevention.
This is relatively the easiest step to take and can apply to other pandemics of a similar nature.  The goal is to prevent yourself and others from getting the infection or spreading it to others. Which will be advised by the following tips.
  1. Clean yourself up every time you come home.  Normally in a regular routine, one often seldom cleans themselves.  But because this virus can get you through the spread of bacteria, be it direct contact, coughs and sneezes transmitting on you or even something as simple as touching something that an infected person may have already touched, this seldom routine becomes major mandatory.  Every time you get home, wash your hands and face thoroughly. Gargle a mix of warm water and salt and take a hot bath and shower with the strongest soaps you got. If necessary even use hand sanitizer. Being nice and clean will prevent the spread of germs on and in your body, as well as preventing the spread to anyone or anything else. 
  2. Try to avoid anyone you suspect of an infection. Because Coronavirus is similar in symptoms to the common flu, it's easy to suspect someone has the disease. Of course this tip applies even if it's just the flu too. If you notice someone coughing and sneezing, even if they are within a few feet of you, move a direction away from them. It may not directly stop it, but it will at least get you out of the line of fire.  Of course if you got some on you anyway, repeat tip 1. 
  3. Keep your immune system up as best as you can.  Sooner or later you may end up getting screwed and put into a situation where you are at risk of infection.  So to get through it, take the necessary procedures to boost your immune system: Eat healthy foods, take vitamin C and if you really want to kick it in the guts, eat a strong chlorophyll based superfood, like wheatgrass. 
Second Step: Isolation.
While it's easy to avoid someone you suspect of an infection you may end up in a situation where you may have to risk your own life to prevent them from spreading out. You'll get quarantined, but at least you prevented more illnesses and possible deaths, by following these tips.
  1. Try to stall the person. Even if they are in a hurry to get somewhere you must not let them go near anymore people.  Even if you have to physically restrain them at risk of your own infection.  
  2. Dial emergency services. Let them know you suspect the person as well as yourself of being infected. While doing step one, keep stalling until an ambulance arrives. The person may not like you, but you risked your life to save theirs and many others. 
  3. Take the quarantine.  Regardless, you're still infected meaning you'll have to be quarantined too, but you're more likely to survive that than having to tough it out at home.  
Third Step: Protection
Maybe you need to go somewhere risky to do something. Maybe the only food store that's open may be located in a spot in your neighbourhood, where there are quarantined infectees or maybe you just feel like going for a stroll.  Whatever the case may be, if you're sick, or well don't go out without the following tips to protect yourself.
  1. Wear protective clothing.  The virus like many diseases can easily get to you through the following body parts: Your hands, mouth, nose and eyes.  The latter three due to it being easily able to enter the bloodstream that way. It can also come out the same way.  So the following items are necessary for your travels: Gloves, Goggles/Glasses and A Mask.  Specifically a medical respiratory mask, but any mask that prevents mucus and saliva from coming out or going into your mouth will do. 
  2. Clean your clothing.  Now this wouldn't be necessary for the masks if you bought a disposable one, however if you bought clothes that are meant to last longer than one use, then you must clean them thoroughly so that any lingering germs, be it from you or the outside world will be destroyed. 
  3. Don't share your protective clothing. This cannot be stressed enough. For all you know the person who asks this of you or yourself could be infected and it puts you both at a bigger risk. 
Fourth and Final Step: Donation.
If there is one thing that cannot be ignored, aside from the death toll, it's the number of people who managed to successfully recover from this disease. Be it on their own or with some treatment.  This does not involve tips, like the last one because there are only one or two things you need to do. The first thing you gotta do is turn yourself over to the nearest medical treatment center or disease research lab.  Maybe there is something within you that may naturally help prevent the disease or even kill it. If so, you have an obligation to find out what that is and save more lives. The second thing you gotta do is donate everything you can donate from your body to the nearest donor section. Blood, Plasma, Bone Marrow, Stem Cells, Organs. Whatever the case may be, donate it. You who have recovered have gotten a second chance at life. Don't deny others what you have. Help them.

Thank you for taking the time to read this guide. Good luck, Godspeed and hope you're in good health. 

Monday, 18 November 2019

Straight Up Reviews: South Park: The Stick of Truth

While I know the moment is long past, I thought I'd do my take on the South Park Games. Why? Because I beat the first one over a year ago.

When I was a kid, South Park was just as synonymous with Gaming as it was today. The first South Park Game I ever played was for the N64.

The story was relatively simple, a comet effected the earth ala Maximum Overdrive and caused many catastrophes related to the show at the time. You the player was tasked with playing Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny and were armed with weapons both common with children in a quiet mountain town (Piss Snowballs, Dodgeballs and a Dart Machine Gun.) and bizarre alien contraptions (Cow launcher, Visitor's mind control device, piranha shooter). Your enemies included: Mutant Turkeys, Dr. Mephisto's abominations, Visitors and Killer Toys. The game wasn't great in every sense of the word and even the Creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone were turned off at the notion of making this game let alone a series of games that were made at the time. Games such as:

Chef's Love Shack:


A Double Dare style trivia game show. 

South Park Rally:
A Mario Kart Knockoff.

It would seem like South Park wouldn't have any games associated with it, that weren't found on the net. That was until Ubisoft did a proposal to them in 2014.  One that seemed too good to refuse.
 
At this point they were in their  17th Season and producing a trilogy of episodes known as the "Black Friday Trilogy." The basic story being a Game of Thrones style LARP, where the kids were divided in factions on what to buy during Black Friday's discount day.  With Cartman wanting XBox and Stan wanting PS3. The episode kind of pissed me off because there was no faction even a parody faction that wanted Wii-U, but it was an all around entertaining romp that really stuck it to the annual Black Friday Riots.  Even going as far as splicing footage of the real riots with the ones in the show. With no one telling the difference. At the end of the episode, even when the kids agreed to one console, the bloodbath turned them off commercial gaming to the point where they preferred to keep their LARP up. Which ties directly into:

South Park: The Stick of Truth
A turn based strategy RPG game, where you're the star of it. What makes a game like this so unique is that it successfully emulates the tone and attitude of the characters within the show.  Whenever the kids do something like play Wizards and Warriors or Superheroes or Cops, they often skim the line between a child's imagination and the dangers of reality which they take just as seriously as their games. It's why they are willing to fight actual evil despite being kids playing games.

In this instance it revolves around two factions. The humans, lead by Cartman who is a Wizard and a King. Who rules the Kingdom of The Kupa Keep. (Yep, it's exactly what you're thinking of.) As well as The Drow Elves lead by Kyle. Whom have been locked in a civil war with each other over control of the titular item: The Stick of Truth.  Whoever controls The Stick Of Truth, controls the universe. A prophecy foretold of a new kid, who's arrival would turn the tides of their war depending on who gets to them first.  And that is where the reality side of the story sets in.

You play as the New Kid.  Who never speaks and rarely emotes, much to the frustration of his parents and those around him.  Because the kid is you, he is customized to your needs. So he could look whoever and whatever you want him to look like.  Unfortunately that doesn't apply to the name.  Upon encouragement from your parents, you are forced to go outside and make some friends, when you stumble upon Butters, a Paladin getting picked on by other kids.  After saving him, he in turn takes you to Kupa Keep and introduces you to the Wizard Cartman. After indoctrinating you, you get a choice of classes: Warrior, Mage, Thief or Jew.  (I picked Warrior.) and once picked you are to train in your abilities and how to handle yourself in combat.  While some RPGs now, use a system like this, it's fairly unique as it allows you to counter and defend yourself from oncoming attacks.  Which is what got me interested in this game. I got nothing against those that like turn based RPGs, but the one thing I couldn't stand was not being able to at least block oncoming attacks whenever it's someone else's turn. Hence why I don't play them after. So needless to say I got some satisfaction from this one.  After being trained you are shown the Stick of Truth and before you set out on your first mission, you are tasked with defending the kingdom from an invading Drow Elf army who come for the Stick.  While you successfully drive them off, the Stick is stolen and Clyde, who was tasked to guarding the stick is banished from space and time.  The whole game now is a huge quest to get the stick back, while at the same time participating in side missions that either further the story or give you a couple of good laughs along the way.

As the New Kid depending on your class you are accessed to a wide range of abilities, but the most unique of them all is your Fart Control abilities. 

Because South Park isn't without it's toilet humor, your character is able to weaponize various forms of flatulence that can get you a combative advantage or even remove obstacles from your path. From Dragonshout which will gross out your enemies and remove small obstacles to Nagasaki which can take down huge obstacles. 

Because you're not playing a specific character in South Park, as the new kid the bulk of the story revolves around you. Aliens abduct you, the government is after you and to top it off, on top of trying to help your new friends find the stick, you run afoul of rising epidemic of Nazi Zombies.  

Of course a game from South Park wouldn't be without it's call backs. One of the sidequests involves collecting Chinpokomon and you have to do missions for factions outside the wizard and warriors. From the Federation (Kevin Goddammit.) to the Girls (If it pleases and sparkles.) to the Goths (Life is pain.). The goths were my favorite part because despite their jerkish behavior they seem to warm up to the kid more than they get along with even the main characters. Showing a compassionate side to the Goth subculture rarely seen on the show as a whole.

The game was successful enough to warrant a direct sequel, which I haven't played yet:

South Park: The Fractured But Whole
Where their main shtick is involving their superhero personas. But when I do play it, I will let you know my experiences on it. Until then, enjoy Stick of Truth, have a laugh and whatever you do: Don't fart on a man's balls.

And now a word from CIEIR Music:
Are you tired of buying music without trying it first. Well you're in luck because on top of my bandcamp, CIEIR Music has it's own Youtube Channel, where it showcases some of their best work. It's most recent posting, the full album of the Royalty Free: 
 
Haunted Murder.