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Monday, 7 November 2022

Straight Up Reviews: Resident Evil Welcome To Raccoon City

 

When I was a kid, I learned about Resident Evil through probably the funniest source.  A trailer for a game called Dino Crisis, in which you play a character in a more horror oriented version of Jurassic Park.  The narrator even saying "From The Makers Of Resident Evil."  It wasn't until I played the first game, that I became aware of the series. So far in my life the only games I've played in the series, is the first game, Outbreak and Code Veronica, but I follow the story closely right up into the 8th game or Village as it's called.  So needless to say I have sort of a somewhat good perspective on what a movie based off it is like.


In terms of the Resident Evil Movies, I've seen the first two, but stopped after due to lost interest.  Mainly due to two things.  

1. The gross hypocrisy of it's director.  Paul W.S. Anderson.  Anderson made his bones in the Video Game Movie business, by making an accurate faithful adaptation to Mortal Kombat.  The only flaw being that it was PG13.  Meaning no over the top violence, gore and dark comedy.  Yet, he fucked up severely all because he wanted to please his then wife. Mila Jovavich.  Paul, you're wasting your breath, she's into pedophiles.  I'm not kidding, her last husband was Luc Besson.  A man who courted a 12 year old girl, married her, got her pregnant and left her and her kid to do the Fifth Element, both the movie and the Element herself.  

2.  As a result of him putting her and her character Alice on a fucking pedestal, he had to sideline the real heroes and heroines to the story.  Either they get smaller parts or get killed in an undignified way.  Which wouldn't be a problem if the characters weren't the surviving characters of the fucking game. From Chris Redfield to Jill Valentine.  

Yet after seeing this movie, I am surprised that the RE fans dub this as the worst.  Saying that the Anderson films are masterpieces in comparison.  What the fuck?  Let's find out.


The movie takes place at first in the 1980s.   Chris and Claire Redfield are living in the Raccoon City Orphanage.  Raccoon City itself being a company town owned by the Umbrella Corperation.  The Orphanage is overseen by William Birkin, one of Umbrella's top scientists.  While there, she befriends a girl named Lisa Trevor, who hides her face behind a mask.  Little do the siblings know, the place is a front for Birkin to do his experiments.  Using the orphans as test subjects.  

The main story takes place in 1998 much like the first game. Claire, now an adult has hitched a ride with a trucker and his dog and on the way they accidentally run over a woman in the middle of the street.  However, despite being seriously injured, the woman had already got up and left as if nothing happened.  The trucker's dog licking up the blood that was left behind.  Ew. Meanwhile at a diner, Jill Valentine and Albert Wesker along with a few other cops from S.T.A.R.S. take turns picking on the rookie in the diner.  Leon S. Kennedy.  Who got transferred here as punishment for accidentally shooting a fellow officer during training. Jill befriends him, but he notices the waitress from the Diner is bleeding from her eye.  A condition she claims has been happening for weeks, but dismisses it as nothing.  I would like to remind you all that this was made in 2020, so even if this game and movie took place decades before, I still see it as an in-joke regarding how people dealt with Covid-19.

Claire heads to Chris' home and while there sees a strange hairless lady and her child staring at her.  Once inside, she meets Chris, who is also a S.T.A.R.S. and is already giving her the riot act for her actions coming here.  At this point it's said that she ran away from the orphanage and they've been estranged since.  She came back to warn Chris that through a friend of hers she met on a chatroom, named Ben Bertolucci, she found out that one of many Umbrella experiments have gone haywire.  That a virus has been put into the drinking water supply through a leak and it will cause great havoc.  Chris doesn't believe her, because Umbrella and William have been a big help in raising him and putting him through school. He leaves her to join with the other S.T.A.R.S. to report to the Raccoon City Police Department. All the while alarms are sounding and William Birkin is trying to evacuate his family.

Meanwhile, back at the Redfield house, Claire sees the woman she spotted earlier stalking around the house.  Painting the words "Itchy Tasty." in her own blood.  She finds the child under the table who seems more worried about Claire than the other way around.  For a good reason.  The mother comes running in the house shouting those written words on the top of her lungs as she tries to feast on Claire.  Claire manages to fight her off and escape, stealing Chris' bike.  

Now I've read numerous complaints and jokes regarding this scene as a cheap gimmick to add game easter eggs.  However, I see it in a different way.  For those that don't know "Itchy Tasty" was based off a journal entry in the first game, which details a man's slow progression from being a sane, stable and well individual, to a primitive yet still sentient, hungry flesh eating monster.  The words "Itchy Tasty" being him coming to the conclusion that whatever is infecting him is making him unbearably itchy and that he thinks the only way to relieve the itch is to feast on fresh healthy living flesh. Let me make something perfectly clear.  Yes it is an intentional Easter Egg, however I think all of you dismissing others using it, is fucking stupid and I'll tell you why.  That journal entry is meant to sum up every infected Zombie you've ever had to fight in games 1 to 5. He was the only one who was methodical enough to pencil it in. When he says "Itchy Tasty" they're all saying "Itchy Tasty."  Another thing they criticized was that Clair left the kid behind.  I'll tell you why that part's stupid later.

The RCPD, headed by Chief Irons (Played by the hilarious Donal Logue), has been in a meeting as their Bravo Team has not reported back from the Spencer Mansion.  With the exceptions of Irons and Kennedy, they all go to investigate.  During which, one member, Albert Wesker receives a page from a mysterious caller warning him that Raccoon City will be destroyed at 6:00 a.m.

As Claire is riding down the road, heading for Raccoon City Police Station she is nearly hit by William. Both of whom instantly recognize each other. A flashback is shown, where it turns out under the guise of getting her new family, William under Umbrella's orders tried to drag Claire down to the lab to experiment on her. Forcing her to run away. So needless to say he drives off faster. All while Raccoon City is going to hell.

The truck driver from the earlier movie is bitten by his dog and both are in the early stages of infection.  As a result of this, he finds himself crashing into the police station and walking in on fire.  With Leon none the wiser as he's sleeping at his desk.  Before the trucker could get to Leon, Irons kills him. Before leaving Leon in charge and trying to flee on his own. Warning Leon to close the gate.  Which he does for good reason.  

Redfield's team head to the Spencer mansion, only to discover that Bravo team's vehicle has been overturned and covered in blood and claw marks. The team itself missing. Wesker comes across a mutated Crow which Jill shoots. They answer the mansion and Wesker of all people suggest they split up to find Bravo Team faster. Stupid horror cliche but considering this takes place in the 90s based off of 90s horror game, it makes sense.

As Irons is trying to reach the city borders only to find himself in gridlock with other fleeing citizens. As if things can't get any worse, the Umbrella border security shoots at the vehicles to prevent people again out. Prompting Irons to flee back to the police station.

Meanwhile at the police station, in one of the most horrifying sequences imaginable, a group of citizens approached the gate demanding to be let in. Showing clear signs of infection. Chief Irons returns to the garage, only to be met by the truck driver's infected dog. Before the dog could get him, Claire arrives and kills it. More infected individuals show up shaking the gates as the infection degrades their mind. Their pleas for help turning into savage primal demands for their flesh. Claire tells Chief irons that she's looking for Chris and Leon finally gets an answer to what's going on. Irons explains that all the exits are blocked by Umbrella Corporation and that the only way that they could get out is by helicopter if they could just get a hold of the pilot.

Meanwhile at the mansion the split team explores every inch. With Wesker following a map on his PDA, prompting Jill to be suspicious of him.  While Chris and Richard discover a zombie feasting on what used to be Bravo team. After three warnings, Chris and Richard open fire on the zombie killing it. Now this is what I like more about this movie. While these characters have stupid moments sometimes they are not stupid. In fact they're a hell of a lot more confident than the ones in the first Resident Evil movie. Now before you Rain fans all try to Lynch me, hear me out. Rain, a trained Soldier is way Dumber, than what should be an ordinary cop at the time Chris Redfield. When she encounters the first zombie despite clear signs of the thing is either feral or rabid, something both a soldier, a cop in a medical officer should see clear signs of, she reaches out to try to grab the thing before it bites her. Chris on the other hand, keeps his distance, warns the thing not to go any closer and when it doesn't listen he kills it. And people wonder why he's a meme level badass.

However like I said they do do stupid things. Richard tries to find the other members of Bravo Team while Chris tries to save their dying teammate. They hear strange noises. The gunshots clearly drawing the attention of other monsters. Both find themselves cornered and subdued by more zombies coming out of the Woodworks. Richard is eaten alive but Chris, like the badass he is managed to fight them off while he goes to look for Jill and Wesker.

Their pilot Brad, is also attacked prompting him to take off his helicopter and a panic as he's dying. Jill and Wesker find themselves in Spencer's study with Wesker acting increasingly suspicious. Under orders from his PDA, he decides to enact a classic Resident Evil puzzle, by playing the first three notes to Moonlight Sonata by Ludwig van Beethoven. Which open a secret door. Before he could see what was in there, the helicopter crashes into the mansion. Jill just barely getting herself and Wesker out of the way. 

Claire and Leon get into the Armory and arm themselves. Leon hears A noise and finds Ben, who is locked up with that infected individual that is moments away from making lunch out of him. He tries to warn Leon about what Umbrella Corporation has been doing, as well as making a note of how the cops aren't sick like the rest of the city. Believing that Umbrella maybe gave them something to keep them from being infected.

Now this part, as ridiculous as it may sound to most people I am kind of glad they said that and I'll tell you why. The one thing that really really bugged me about the Resident Evil games is that they made it perfectly clear that if a zombie or creature bit or scratched you, you would be infected with the respective virus. As as the player character, if you're a novice and most likely going to get bit or scratched up by a monsters first chance you get, you don't get infected once. Which is even more strange because it's also implied that there are cures of these viruses. The closest you've ever gotten to being an infected individual in the game series is when you play Ethan Winters from Resident Evil 7 and Village. In seven he was already infected and in Village he was already dead and walking. Yet, I believe it would raise the stakes in the game higher if there was a chance that the player characters could possibly get infected regardless of how they survived the plot. However, the fact that they actually managed to give some kind of explanation to why these characters are less likely to get infected, was the final nail in the love coffin I have for this movie.

Ben takes Leon's gun and demands him to be let out, but before he could the infected individual gets Ben. It would have gotten Leon too if not for the timely intervention of Claire Redfield. Who just discovered that it killed Ben. The zombie gets back up and Leon gets his first foray into badassery by killing it.

Irons tries and vein to call the helicopter not knowing that it's destroyed. While Jill and Wesker recover from the explosion. They approached the Secret Door, with Wesker in shock about how true the instructions were. Jill finally demands answers and Wesker explains. Months before the events of this movie, a secret group hired him to extract all of the Umbrella Corporation dirty secrets, before Raccoon City gets destroyed. Jill is obviously distraught because he basically betrayed her and their friends for money and are planning to leave time to die. At first it looked like Wesker was going to shoot her then and there only for him to move her out of the way and shoot the zombie that was approaching them.  

More and more zombies Converge on the Raccoon City Police Department Gates, which can barely hold them for long. Irons finds an alternative route for him, Leon and Claire to follow. While fighting out the zombies that just broke in. Attention to head for the mountains before Raccoon City blows.

Irons, Leon and Claire enter the orphanage. Irons explains that the orphanage has a secret passage that leads to Spencer mansion and that Umbrella Corporation paid a million to keep his mouth shut about their activities. A notion that Claire calls him out for. Leon notices both something crawling across the ceiling as well as coming across the now grown up Lisa Trevor. Who tries to warn him to be quiet. That whatever is there is above them. He tries to get Irons' and Claire's attention, only for Lisa to disappear. Whilst Iron's is snatched up by one of the most well-known Monsters of old Resident Evil. The Licker. A long tongue, extremely feral monster that hunts by sound. Needless to say Irons didn't make it. Before it could have Leon for dessert, Lisa Trevor shows up and Saves the Day. Beating the shit out of that monster and breaking its neck. She recognizes Claire right away and vice versa. Helping the two find a way out. Now this part is one of the few things even the detractors agree on as being one of the best moments. As Lisa Trevor is a tragic monster in the games who is very hard to kill. So hard to kill that literally takes her own hand to do it. And despite her size surprisingly strong. The fact that she was able to have very least made a friend or two through Claire and Leon, gave many sympathizers much needed relief.

As they make their way through, Lisa gives Claire keys telling her the second key is the way out. With the lock hidden within a painted wall. Leon and Claire leave but Lisa stays. Saying Claire's name one more time.

As Chris searches for Jill and Wesker, he increases his bad ass credentials by killing more zombies on the way. However he ends up doing what many players have done, despite the fact that they're supposed to be playing a survival horror game. Running out of bullets. Just one it seems to be it for him, Jill arrives to save the day. Jill informs Chris of Wesker's betrayal. And they follow him, through the same Secret Door he took. 

As Claire and Leon make their way closer to where Chris and Jill are heading, Claire discovers a room with a film projector. The film showing, that umbrella has been experimenting on children for a long time. That William Birkin has a supervising every single experiment on these kids whether they survive or not.

Meanwhile, William Birkin and his family are at the lab. With William taking the G virus samples. Wesker comes across them demanding the case they are in. Wesker holds the family A gunpoint, but William it's the drop on him. Wounding Wesker, but getting fatally wounded himself. William's wife Annette tries to take the vials only for Wesker to headshot her. Prompting their daughter Sherry to hide. As Wesker goes to take the vials he discovers that William injected himself with one of them. Prompting him to shoot him so he doesn't turn. Only to realize that the kid is still there. Prompting him to go find her. Only for Jill to fatally shoot him. They share a last laugh together, before Wesker in a fit of atonement reveals that there's a train that will lead them to the neighboring town of Gatlin. Out of Raccoon City before it blows. Wesker dies.

As Claire and Leon, get closer to finding Chris, Jill and Sherry, William comes back from the dead through the G virus as it slowly mutates him. Chris tries to hide from William while the rest try to escape, with William taunting him throughout the whole way. Revealing his true colors. For marking that he and Claire would have made excellent test subjects. Before he could kill Chris, Claire shoots him to shit with a shotgun. Chris, now finally disillusioned by Umbrella Corporation and William Birkin does the coup de gras. They all make it to the train the train, but William follows them. Now a bigger monstrosity than before. Raccoon City crumbles apart as the train derails. William grabs Claire while Chris tries in vain to shoot him. Claire Williams in the eye, prompting him to let her go. Once out of harm's way, Leon shows up and finishes William off with a rocket launcher.

Raccoon city is completely destroyed. With the official data of no survivors. Only to be proven wrong when Chris and Claire Redfield, Jill Valentine, Leon Kennedy and Sherry Birkin walk out of the tunnel into Gatlin. During a post credit scene, Ada Wong resurrects Wesker, now blind and wearing sunglasses.


Now in my personal opinion I think this is the best Resident Evil movie. However as much as people are entitled to their opinions on why they think it's worse I think what they say is flimsy.

Complaint #1: the cast does not look like the characters.

I myself believe in ability over appearance but even then there have been times where I myself would have been on the same page. However this is not one of those times.  Now in the Games Leon Kennedy and Jill Valentine in terms of nationality are Italian American and French-Japanese American respectfully.  So I get if they were going the nationality route I would understand, however, they're going the racist route by attacking both Avan Jogia and Hanna John-Kamen. Simply because they didn't "look" the part.  Michael Clarke Duncan didn't look the part for Wilson Fisk aka The Kingpin, but people still see him as better than the current MCU version (Whom despite my hatred of all things MCU post Phase 3, I admit is no slouch either.). So why not give them a chance. She's still trigger happy and he's just getting his bad ass credit in.  That being said look at these pictures of the game:



These were from their respective first games Resident Evil 1 and 2 the original 1996/1998 games to be specific.  Now before you all say a goddamn word first. I agree. Looks change over the years and these two along with many famous characters from the games have changed their looks over the years. Not to mention despite characters like Link from Zelda having a variety of hair changes despite being Canonically blond just to name a small example of that.  However while many so called hardcore Resident Evil Fans fail to realize is that Leon alone has had many inconsistent changes in his appearance, but the most talked about is often the colour of his hair.  With the exception of Resident Evil 4, Leon Kennedy was never a blonde. He was a brunette. That being said, the movie itself seemed to hint that Avan may one day get the look.  Specifically the funny moment when Irons tells him to get a haircut.   Considering he, along with Chris, Claire, Jill and Sherry are all missing and presumed dead within the continuity of this movie, it's safe to say should a sequel happen, he may have to bleach his hair among things lest corrupt Umbrella and other organizations want him. They already introduced Ada Wong in the movie so needless to say, she'd be the first to try hunt him down.

Then you have Jill. Much like Leon, I'll give some wiggle room to the fact that she was limited by her character design. As she shows up as brunette here despite games and Anderson Movies establishing her as a redhead.  However with one small problem.



This is Jill Valentine.  The first Live Action Jill Valentine.  No not Sienna Guillory (Sorry Sienna on top of being Sidelined as Alice's beta girl, you don't even have the distinct honour of even being the first Jill Valentine in live action.)  This isn't just the first live action Jill Valentine, this is the first Jill Valentine period.   

For you noobs let me explain.  When Resident Evil was first coming out in 1996. It was around the time when people were transitioning from consoles like Sega CD and Saturn and onto PS1,  however Saturn was still considered a big enough threat to warrant some competition and port space for it.  Much like CD before it, Saturn has a library of games that utilize full motion video technology.  Mixing live action footage with game graphics to offer then at the time a more realistic experience in gaming. Of course easier said than done.  How did Sony's version top that off? Rather than fully immerse us into FMV, it kept it at the cut-scenes, while the game itself utilized the latest graphics and tech at the time.  Jill herself was played by a high school student known only as Inezh. And judging by the picture here, her red hair is obviously dyed.  The way I see it, it wasn't something they thought of at the time, but in the grand scheme of things in continuity of the game, I believe that Jill Valentine was never really a real redhead.  That she dyes her hair and maintains the colour on a usual basis, but during the attack, in a combination of stress, nearly getting killed and having god knows what kind of fluids, splattered on her with each kill, it reverted it to it's natural brunette state. 


So ya, in terms of physical looks in comparison to those games, it's safe to say they did a damn good job.  Had they kept making movies after, Jill may have sported red for the same reason Leon would later sport brown. To hide their identities.


Complaint #2: The main characters got nerfed in favour of Claire.

Ok, this one is actually directed at a certain fan of the games I argued with.  While I respect other's opinion it's quite clear this person was not watching the same movie as me, because they claimed that none of the characters even did anything and Claire got all the best action scenes.  Claiming that the other characters, whom in the game are known bad-asses, suddenly got weak and couldn't fight back while Claire did most of the work.  So I decided while this person remains nameless, to humiliate them and any agree in public.  

First of all where do I begin.  In terms of the character's competency in a fight against monsters and zombies.   First of all, lest we forget, these people are not military officers.  They are Police Officers. They hail from Raccoon City Police Department.  They are not even SWAT, just a basic tactical team that got lucky some survived. It was like that in the game, it's like that in the movie. None of them with the exception of whatever the fuck Umbrella gave them to somewhat immunize them from the outbreak, were born badass.  Chris Redfield wasn't punching bolders, Leon Kennedy wasn't protecting some president's daughter and Jill didn't even get the nickname "Supercop" yet.  The hardest part of adapting characters from a fucking video game and this applies to all video games, is because these characters to gamers aren't characters.  They are avatars of us and how we'd do things should a situation or scenario of the games arise.  Since many of these self-entitled so called hardcored puritan fans that hump their Lady Dimitrescu Body Pillows every night, claim to be experts at beating the games, they immediately assume that Hollywood should make them badass by default.  In other words for all their complaints along with my own about what a Mary Sue Alice is, they want the others to be sues. Should they show the slightest fault or mistake in their characters then suddenly they're nerfed.  THIS IS LITERALLY SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE SERIES!!! NONE OF THE SHIT YOU ALL BOASTED ABOUT BEATING HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET!!! YOU BASEMENT DWELLING FUCKS HAVE TOO LOW AND SLOVENLY A LIFE TO EVEN THINK YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO TOO HIGH A STANDARD OF WHAT SHOULD OR WHAT SHOULDN'T BE IN A BADASS CHARACTER YOU HYPOCRITICAL PROJECTOR JERKOFFS!!!  Point being, these characters are their own entities when it comes to movies, you have no access to the controller here. So deal with it. And FYI Leon blew up the last boss with an RPG.  If that's what you call nerfed, then you really should look up that word. I don't think it means what you think it means. Fuck you.


That being said, those paying attention to neither Leon and Jill doing anything overlooked the part where, without a single bite or scratch on him, Chris "Boulder Punching Asshole" Redfield was able to push off an entire horde of zombies, despite strength in numbers and one of his partners not being so lucky.  They were already starting to give Chris badass moments in small doses so that when he eventually hardens like he did int he games, it'd look more real.


Complaint #3 Pointless Easter Eggs

One of the biggest complaints outside the story and characters, was that the fans claimed that the director was only doing shout outs of the games with no real substance whatsoever.  I call immense bullshit on it.  I won't waste what I've literally written for months at this point, on telling all of them, but let me break down the two I seen people complain about the most.

Easter Egg #1: Jill Sandwich

During the Diner Scene, Wesker bets Jill his sandwich that she couldn't hit a ketchup bottle with a dart gun if it were balanced on Leon's head while he was sleeping.  She takes the bet, shoots Wesker with the dart and hits the bottle off Leon's head with the gun.  Before victoriously claiming "It's a Jill Sandwich now." People cringed at this scene and I had no idea why because at the time it's been a while since I played the first game.  So looking up "Jill Sandwich" I understand why, but I hate the reason anyway for two reasons which I will explain.  First off, it was based off a level that caused me to nearly quit the games on my first try.  In the Spencer Mansion you find a shotgun on the wall. At the time I had no idea how to solve it and as a result I saw that the next room lead me to a collapsing ceiling trap, which I had limited time to escape.  If you escape the trap as Jill, another S.T.A.R.S. member, named Barry Burton, remarks that she almost became a Jill sandwich.  I heard the joke, it wasn't funny and it was poorly executed, but I'm not talking about the one in this movie. I am talking about the game, but I'll explain why I don't think it's funny later. You guys went up in arms for an Easter egg that was based off a badly translated, badly executed joke?  There's defending comedy from Cancel Culture and there are brain dead idiots defending something that they claim is a staple of their childhood games, but really just stimulates the only part of the brain that has feeling left of it to cope with the empty sad existence your lives are now.  It's a stupid joke and the reason why it became a meme was because of how stupid it was.  The fact that they tried to make a better joke out of it, is why I defend this scene to the death. That and despite what you may think they at least showed even with Wesker, that these people have a great chemistry and dynamic with each other, that you'd truly believe that they'd be friends in real life.  As opposed to the few and in between quiet moments between Alice and her meatshields....I mean friends. Nope. 

Meatshields is accurate. I knew Wesker was evil, because I followed the game's lore, but even in this movie, his betrayal and death still saddened me and his resurrection, especially when he dawns the shades the first time, scares the hell out of me.


Easter Egg #2: Itchy Tasty.

Those two words, among most things, was what established Resident Evil from simply a Sci-Fi/Action Game with some horror elements, to a full blown, piss your pants horror.  The words first came from a diary found in the mansion by the S.T.A.R.S. member you play.  So depending on your perspective, either Chris or Jill read it. The Diary itself accurately depicts the slow degradation of body and mind of a T-Virus Infectee before they become a zombie.  Many people complained that rather than be found in the Mansion it's later sprawled in blood at the Redfield Residence and later screamed by the bald mom zombie. The result of which in their eyes reduced it to an easter egg to please fans.  Bullshit. Bullshit!! BULLFUCKINGSHIT!!  That diary wasn't just some random piece of lore, through it, the S.T.A.R.S. that were lucky to survive knew exactly what was going on in the minds of every infectee before full zombification and in my opinion with the exception of the Dead Films, is probably the scariest depiction of Zombie infection I have ever seen.  Unlike the Anderson Films, where the change varies based on plot and the resulting infections turn the creatures into mindless hungry zombies in almost an instant to a few hours depending on movie time, this version is more accurate to the games. In which the people infected are still sentient and sapient, but are in so much pain from the infection changing their bodies, that they believe to reduce that pain or in this case the Itch, they have to feed on fresh flesh.  Otherwise they would have ate each other in a primal state.  To put it simpler they start out with "Please help us." and end with "PLEASE LET US EAT YOU SO WE CAN FEEL BETTER!!!" Ya, scary. 

 

That barely scratches the surface on the Easter Eggs, but I'm sure there are others people have complained about.

 

Complaint #4: They put the first two games together and that's bad for some reason.

Oh bitch bitch bitch.......bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch......bitch. No seriously.  Both games take place around the same time, so needless to say I think it's better to sum up all of Raccoon's arcs into one story.  That way if others are like the first two, you'd only need  4 - 5 movies to sum it up. The first 2 movies dealing with the events of the first two games and third game, before building up to Leon's adventures in 4.  7 and 8 should also get this treatment since they open and close the story on Ethan Winters.  There are literally thousands of game franchises who's levels can literally be merely chapters in one movie rather than dedicate thousands of movies and shows into figuring out Chapters 1 and 2.


Complaint #5: Overdose of 90s references

Ok I'll give you this one.  Movies in the modern day, trying to depict a timeline most modern viewers don't know shit about, is good for a chuckle on my end.  That being said, there wasn't really an overdose.  At the very least of 90s reference.  The only three 90s things I even seen were the tech at the time (VCRs and Big Box Monitors for all you so called evolved people.) and the first talks about the Internet and The Chat Room.  That's not an overdose, that's merely establishing a timeline.  The closest one ever got to an overdose of any references, was when Chief Irons chews out Wesker, whom almost got caught texting Ada Wong through is PDA.  Making references to Planet Hollywood, Journey, Blockbuster, things like that, but they seem to be a mix since PH was 90s, Blockbuster was Mid 80s, but Journey has been around since 1973.  If anything that's more of a 70s to 80s reference.  With said Journey Song playing when Irons tries to haul ass.  If you think these references are considered overdoses, I direct you to the MCU once again.  Who is literally a commercial revenue dollar away from switching dialogue in superhero movies to simply saying the names of popular brands and other media. Like when MacGruber got Pepsi obsessed. That commercial felt more vulgar than the entirety of MacGruber's career. The problem is that they are references you Zoomers consider to be museum pieces.


Complaint #6: The Creators Never Played a Resident Evil Game in Their Life.

Hahaha....Fuck you.  If they never played a single Resident Evil game in their life, then why are they going all the way out there to reboot the franchise, make it more accurate to the games as opposed to sidelining and killing these characters in favour of Alice?  Why go through all the trouble of actually trying to make Raccoon City look like Raccoon City as opposed to super imposing TORONTO with an Atom Bomb explosion.  And you wonder why I dislike Anderson, granted it wasn't his intention, but he showed my fucking city up in flames just so he could please his wife.  This was a guy who we all relied on to make a great Resident Evil games, because he did a great job with Mortal Kombat, but nooooo.  All he did was make shitty movie after shitty movie. And if you think Mortal Kombat gets him a free pass and gives you a free pass to pick on this movie, then fuck you all. Anderson wore out his welcome with Video Game movies ever since he started Resident Evil Movies. Not even the brief cult following of Alien Vs Predator could save him now.


Complaint #7:William Birkin Talking

First of all I'm well aware that Birkin was a mindless monster upon Leon and Claire's encounter of him in the games.  However, him talking in the midst of his mutation doesn't bother me for the following reason.  The biggest surprise of the games and what should have been the movies was that the later monsters we face, BOWs, Tyrants, Nemesis, Mr. X and even Lady Dimitrescu are not as mindless as the Zombies and Lickers we encounter before. They can think, they can reason, but they still, murder kill and try to eat everything in their path, simply because it's in their nature now.  Unlike the poor souls suffering, these ones revel in their kills.  When Chris, Clair and later the rest of the survivors encounter him, it's at different stages of his mutation.  He was still human and still of sound mind, when he went after Chris and only became mindless after not just further mutating, but dealing with the trauma of being shot one too many times even if it didn't kill him yet.  We don't know exactly what went on in the games prior to Game Birkin becoming mindless, but for all we know, he could have undergone the same temp sentience and sapience. That said, if not for him, Leon wouldn't have that last kill in the end. 


Complaint Village (aka #8):  The rest.

A lot of this is minor bullshit compared to the rest, so I'll sum them up, before I get to the 9th and final.

Lisa Trevor Helping instead of Hunting

Considering all the shit she went through in the game, she deserves a somewhat happier outcome here.

CGI Effects Unrealistic (Aka PS2 Graphic Argument Bullshit)

This is a movie based off a PS1 game.  Calling it PS2 Graphics compliments more than insults it. 

Less Monsters than the other movies.

Well duh, the outbreak just started and let's re-clarify, this is not a video game, this is a movie.  If we applied real life consequences to the amount of monsters we killed in the games despite them randomly popping out for more, then we'd realistically wipe out half the population of Raccoon City.  Game over, no further story, no outbreaks, just a boring sci-fi thriller involving a pharmacy group and some terrorists. Lady D would still exist, but you wouldn't be able to meet her. 

Jill left Zombie-Mom's kid behind.

This one is very stupid and I'll tell you why.  During the scene, it shows the mother is infected, just a few steps away from becoming a zombie.  Her child, is also showing stages of infection.  Meaning for all intents and purposes, that kid was already dead.  Since Claire was the first of the main characters to know the truth about Umbrella, odds are she knew that if she tried to help the kid either the mother will keep chasing them or the kid will end up killing them all later.

The 9th most major complaint: It wasn't serious enough.

Ok, this is the last fucking straw and I'll tell you why. First and foremost, I take a lot of shit for liking the Snyder-Verse DC movies, because many people thought that among most things they were too serious for movies based on comic books. I made it clear on many occasions with these people because not only have there been some moments of levity that were handled way better than the MCU could ever do, but what they lack in verbal comedy to relieve the tension, they make up tremendous for in physical comedy.  To put it short, they're a lot funnier when you're able to get the joke.  This movie however gets treated worse than what most Snyder Fans treat the MCU like.  They think the memes ruin the horror, they think some of the funny scenes should be cut down and that we should be shown a serious horror movie revolving around zombies and bioweapons.  Fuck you.

No seriously fuck you.  Unlike MCU, which milked something Joss Whedon already dried out, Resident Evil was meant to be a dark comedy from the start.  The Dialogue even if it was poorly translated at the time, was the stuff of legends in memes and a lot of things from the first game may have been unintentional due to the limited tech at the time. However rather than simply try to suppress the comical side, Capcom and Resident Evil embrace it for all it's worth.  The recent game has one of the bosses refer to Redfield as that "Boulder Punching Asshole" as a reference to one of his many feats.  Not to mention in the original game on top of zombies and monsters, you had do deal with a mutant shark and a giant snake.  Two things that would be completely out of place in a survival horror, yet here they are. 

The games became very deadpan and very dark, but they're still comedic.  The movie itself was just guilty of adding more to the comedy.  How can anyone not find the burning walking corpse of a truck driver, wandering into a police station, while still on fire, while Leon is sleeping unaware and the music he's listening too plasters the background as the man walks in.  The song in general:

Crush by Jennifer Page.  First and only time I ever heard this song and it was after the 90s was long dead. 

How can no one find that funny?

If the games were meant to be taken seriously, they wouldn't be bombarding us with things to watch, listen and laugh at.  I only ask that you give this movie the same chance.  When you get right down to it, it's the only Resident Evil movie out there for now.  The Anderson Movies and The Netflix do not count. 

Give this movie a chance, apologize to the actors and most importantly be good. Or I will go after you.


Straight Up: Man that was a long vacation.  Wait, who finished the review.  It's my writing and my thoughts on the subject....who are.....no......it can't be. 

Eldra: Don't mind me, just getting this done. You had this in draft since last August. 

Straight Up: Fair enough, but this isn't the universe you belong to.  You really should get back or S.T. might make your character do something really embarassing. You may have Lovecraft powers, but he controls the narrative.

EldraOh please what's he gonn-

S.T.: *Dubbing Over* Be sure to checkout the Lovecraft Noir Series on Bandcamp, as well as it's spin-off Elda

EldraYou son of a b--

In all seriousness, try actually watching the movie and pay attention to every detail rather than spout off bullshit. Opinions matter, but not when they have holes in them.  Take care, stay safe and watch out for shady Pharmacy companies that name their serums after letters. Say what you will about the Covid Vaccine, but I'd much rather take my chances with it, than the T-Virus and G-Virus any day.

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